The Top 10 Problems With Holding an Election in Hell


10) Polls are inconveniently located hovering above lakes of flaming pig shit.

9) Sub-Demons always stuffing the ballot boxes with the bodies of atheists, televangelists, and sit-com writers.

8) Results are always the same:
    49.9% Hitler
    49.9% Idi Amin
      0.2% Michael Eisner

7) You'd think Satan would take your Write-in Jesus gag campaign pin in the spirit it was intended, but the thousand rabid possums feeding upon your charred flesh would suggest otherwise.

6) Harder to get unbiased election results by radio with all the stations set to Limbaugh, 24/7.

5) Low voter turnout because the first Tuesday in November is also Disembowel a Telemarketer Day.

4) Having to shovel snow after a Ralph Nader victory.

3) Tough to concentrate on a debate while your feet are nailed to the floor nuts are being ratcheted to the ceiling.

2) Who cares who wins? You're in Hell! There's still that little matter of eternal damnation.

and the Number 1 Problem With Holding an Election in Hell...

1) Due to confusing ballot layout, many voters who intended to select "Beer and a Cheeseburger" mistakenly choose "Rectal Banjo Insertion".