No! Not George Bush! Sam Bush! He'd be great! Never had a world-class mandolin player as chief exec before. Think of the possibilities! Think of the Oval Office jam sessions. Think John Cowan singing the National Anthem at the innauguration backed up by Bela Fleck, Jerry Douglas and David Grisman.

Listen! It could be done! Just start a new political party called the "Red Pelican Party" and get Sam to be the nominee. Get his name on the ballot in all fifty states and, when Election Day gets here there will be enough people confused by both "Bush - Republican" and "Bush - Red Pelican" appearing on the ballot that they'll vote for the wrong guy and Sammy will get elected. Or, at least, he'll syphon enough votes away from the Shrub that whoever the Democrats eventually cough up will win and GWB can go back to Texas permanently.