There was a young man from Buckingham
Who wrote "Bollocks & 12 ways of sucking 'em"
He went berserk
When outdone by a Turk
Who wrote "Women & 12 ways of fucking 'em"!

There was a young man from Devizes
Whose bollocks were two different sizes
One weighed a pound
And dragged on the ground
And the other's as big as a fly's is!

There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went for a walk with a builder
He knew that he could
And he should, and he would -
And he did - and he goddamn near killed her!

A chap down in Oklahoma
Had a cock that could sing La Paloma,
But the sweetness of pitch
Couldn't put off the hitch
Of impotence, size & aroma...

A disgusting young man named McGill
Made his neighbours exceedingly ill
When they learned of his habits
Concerning white rabbits
And a bird with a flexible bill

There was a young man of St Johns
Who wanted to bugger the swans.
"Oh no", said the porter,
"You bugger my daughter,
Them swans is reserved for the Dons."

There was a young maid from Mobile
Whose cunt was made of blue steel.
She got her thrills
Fom pneumatic drills
And off centred emery wheels!

There was a young student of Trinity
Who shattered his sister's virginity
He buggered his brother
Had twins by his mother
And took double honour in Divinity

There once was a fellow from Beverley
Who went in for shagging quite heavily
He shagged night and day
Till his bollocks gave way
But the doctors replaced them quite cleverly

When her daughter got married in Bicester
Her mother remarked as she kissed her
"That fellow you've won
Is sure to be fun,
Since tea he's shagged me & your sister!"

And for variation:

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear,
I've often seen our Mary's lamb,
But I've never seen her bare...