... he's a huge, very tough looking guy in army uniform. He orders a pint of guiness and a pork pie. He cuts the pie in half and then turns round, slices the ear of the customer next to him, sticks it between the two halves of pie and eats the lot. "why did you do that asks the landlord ?". The soldier points to his badge and says "because I'm in the pie-an-ear corps".


A man comes into a lot of money and buys himself a Ferrari. As he's driving around, he passes a pub with all sorts of fast expensive cars in the car park. Deciding that it looks like his sort of place he walks into the pub only to find that it's empty. He sits down, orders a drink and asks the rather attractive and very voluptous landlady where all the car owners are. She tells him that they all belong to her and that she won them in bets. She then offers to make a wager with him, all her cars to his one, that he wouldn't be able to carry out three simple tasks that her eight year old son could manage. He accepts and she bares her breasts and tells him to suck and fondle them, which he does with great pleasure, and her son does so too. She then pulls up her skirt and asks him to play with her pussy, which he enjoys even more - the boy off course also does this.
"OK Tommy", she says, "Now bend your p***k in half and ask the gentleman for the ignition keys and logbook".