This from the Twillingsgate Herald, December 11, 2003:

It is no secret that Ms Penelope Rutledge has been seen much lately in the company of Captain Nigel West of the Coldstream Guards. Indeed the two of them dined only this Sunday last at the fashionable Vicar's Inn, the hub of the Twillingsgate social scene, where observers noted that our Ms Rutledge was in a very merry mood indeed, not surprisingly, as she was escorted by the dashing Captain West who took her out on the dancefloor as they whiled away the hours to the strains of Vivaldi, performed by the Vicar's Inn Ensemble.

I for one, dear readers, noted a heightening of colour in Ms Rutledge's cheeks, denoting, dare I say it, the rising of the ardent flames of romance!

And why not? Captain West is a rakishly handsome devil of a man, tall and dark, with features that bring to mind the heroes of yore popularized in the great Victorian novels of such as H. Ryder Haggard and Conan Doyle. (Sir John Roxton comes to mind...)

Well, my pretties, that is not all! I have it on good authority (from a source I cannot reveal) that Ms Penelope will shorty announce her engagement to be married!

This promises to be the biggest event in Twillingsgate since the notorious Malcolm Buggeroll incident or if not that, the end of World War II, and I can assure you that the Twillingsgate Herald will be there every step of the way to provide you with each new tantalizing revelation as it unfolds.

Ms Rutledge adroitly avoided answering any of my questions by saying, "Really, Miss Tattle, don't you have an assassination to attend somewhere? Or perhaps a graverobbing that needs doing?" She has such a dry sense of humour does our Penelope...

I noted that Winston Wellington-Jones was in his typically dark and sardonic mood, sitting at his favourite table, glowering, and downing an endless round of dacquiris. I was unable to elicit any useful comments from him other than,

"Oh. Still alive, are you, Pruella? Damn shame."

and..."Look at that bloody toff!" (this last remark referring to Captain West, I assume).

When I asked him to expand on that, and share his real thoughts with the readers, he said something I cannot repeat in a family newspaper and then refused to further acknowledge my existence. I expect he shall come to his senses and apologize within a day or so...or else the moon shall turn blue and I'll catch it in my hat and keep it in a thimble on the mantle. The one is about as likely as the other.

I suggest that anyone who has the time look up the available information on the Coldstream Guards, the oldest regular regiment in the British Army, at http://www.army.mod.uk/coldstreamguards/

Ms Rutledge appears to have finally found herself a suitable match, and to be headed toward marital bliss within less than six months, I predict. Yes, you heard it here! A spring/summer wedding for Twillingsgate that will galvanize the community is only short months away.

Stay tuned!

- Miss Pruella Tattle, Twillingsgate Herald "All the news that's fit to print, and a bit more besides."