Our Thought Police Crime Control Sensing Device has detected an intention by someone in Kentucky of being naughty before Christmas in the hope that she (for it is indeed a female perp) can swindle herself a Secret Santa present.

This is an official notification that if all else fails we will send out the Super-Dooper Reindeer Troopers with sirens wailing and lights flashing to intercept Santa's sleigh and retrieve said present, and confiscate it, as well as seizing all the other presents in the sleigh because they will be considered as contraband until proven otherwise.

Mary in KY, this is your last chance. Confess that you really don't want to deprive all of the other nice people of their presents just because of a fleeting whim to go out and have some naughty fun.

We know you don't want to deprive the other children (and grown-up children) of their Christmas cheer because we can read your thoughts (and we know that you are really a nice person - well most of the time, well, except when you ..... sorry, confidential information, cannot include that in a public warning notice.....

This is another public service announcement from
The Thought Police

P.S. We have your Secret Santa and we are force feeding him/her cookies and brandy until he/she confesses where the present is stowed on the sleigh. (How do you think Santa gets to fill out that big Santa suit so well? We do this every year and he/she is now hooked on cookies and brandy, and the suit has to be made bigger with each passing year to accommodate that big belly. That's why he/she ho-ho-ho's all the time. He/she is blind drunk from all that brandy. Then we get to catch him/her driving under the influence. It's a vicious cycle, a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.)