I have been trying to remember the name/author of a book which a bereaved friend found of great comfort (quite a few years ago)... without success. I went to Amazon and did a search -- hoping that if I saw the name I would recognize it, but no such luck.

However, I did happen across a few lists of "best" books on the subject (compiled by people who appear to have some knowledge of such things) which I thought might be worth posting here. (Not surprisingly, there's a certain amount of overlap -- several books appear on every list.)

Animaterra and Raptor -- I realize I don't know either of you well enough to know whether you are likely to find some solace in a book, so I would not be so presumptuous as to "recommend" that you read one of these books. But I figured it couldn't hurt to let you know about some of the books that are out there (a number of them written by people who have themselves been through the anguish of losing the love of their life), so that -- IF you are so inclined -- it's that little bit easier to check it out... I've looked over titles & reviews, and have posted as well a little bit of info on those books I thought looked most promising (again, not that I think I know what's best for you, but just to give you a taste of what's available without making you spend time & effort to check it out).


Top books on Grief - by Sarah W (nurse)
includes:

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One
- by Brook Noel, Pamela D., PH.D. Blair
a couple of reviews:

"The death of a loved one is always an emotionally difficult experience. When it comes suddenly and unexpectedly it is even more difficult. In "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" the authors take you through the grieving process as well as learning how to deal with such a tragic loss. The first part of the book deals with issues from how to survive the first few weeks to understanding the emotional and physical aspects of grief to dispelling myths about the grieving process.

The second part is mainly the sharing of the stories of various people who have experienced the sudden loss of a loved one. The stories include the loss of a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling. This section examines the various related problems that sometimes exist as a result of a loss. For example, losing a partner but having surviving children, dealing with a suicide, and the difficulties of couples surviving the loss of a child are all discussed.

The third section discusses some of the pathways that people take through grief. Of particular importance is that is clearly dispels the myth that we all have a particular pathway that we use to move on past a loss. Each one of us is different and we all have our ways of dealing with grief. What may take one person six months to recover from may take another ten years, some may cry, some may not, some may experience forgetfulness, some may not, we are all different.

Throughout the book the authors discuss how to be a helpful friend for those who are going through the grieving process. The book finishes with a listing of support and resource contacts. For those dealing with the loss of a loved one, or for those who want to help someone who is, this is a highly recommended read."
_____

"I have never been so touched by a book as I was I WASN'T READY TO SAY GOODBYE. After I loss my son I felt like I was walking in a cloud or a haze. Everything seemed surreal. No one anywhere seemed to understand what I was going through. A friend who had lost a sister gave me this book. I didn't think i would be able to read with all the pain I was facing but I opened it and started reading. I found so much comfort and wisdom in the words of these two women. The experiences they each went through were incredible and shared with such caring. They covered every aspect of the grieving process and included many exercises and ideas for getting back on track with life at our OWN pace--not the pace of someone else. I can't imagine a more helpful book. Everyone who is grieving, or knows someone who is, should have a copy."

Conquering the Mysteries and Lies of Grief - by Sherry Russell
from one of the reviews:
"..told me that this might be a very interesting little book. She was right on both counts. It was packed with information and ideas and at only 105 pages it was a quick read.

The author blends her personal insight with quotes from the interviews she conducted. She pinpoints the differences between men and women and how they deal with grief.

Early on she states that your grief is like a bridge that you must cross from what used to be to what now exists. That trip isn't fast or easy, but it must be taken in order to feel like you have regained some control in your life. Her references to the stepping-stones or stumbling blocks, rather than the phases of grief, are easy to visualize. She offers information on stress and how it can affect us emotionally and physically, along with some suggestions for dealing with it.

Chapter Eight is her Exercise in Truth. It offers a list of questions to analyze your relationship with the one who died as well as those around you. She also touches on family dynamics and the need to work together on the new reality you face.

And the last chapter of Sherry Russell's book offers some Pain Relievers and hope - two things I know we all long for. This is definitely a book I would recommend."

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Excellent books on Grief and Loss - by Kathy Bosworth, Author/Reviewer
includes:

How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies - by Therese A. Rando
A couple of reviews:
"After our son died I was devastated. I needed to understand the feelings that I was now experiencing and how to cope with them. This book was the clearest and most compassionate resource on grief that I've found. Dr. Rando discusses every unique type of loss a person could face and then goes on to explain why you will feel as you do. The last part of her book is dedicated to helping you understand how to resolve grief and heal from such loss. So far I have given away 4 copies of this book to friends and family. I even gave one to my sons psychiatrist. They have all had high praises for the book. Personally, I don't know how I would have survived this past year without it!"
_____

"I have read numerous grief books, but this is one of my favorites. I underlined some passages in the section about how to keep the loved one "alive" appropriately. Seven months after losing someone I dearly loved, I'm still working through my grief. I pick up this book from time to time. For other situations, I also recommend Carol Staudacher's book on "Men and Grief." If I'd had that book several years ago when my late friend suddenly lost his daughter, I might have been able to help him more."

and:

I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal - by Linda Sones Feinberg
One review:
" Being a young widower only 7 months into this hell I found that this book was very helpful in explaining that I was not alone in this world and there are many others like me. The many quotes used in the book have been said over and over in my mind a thousand times. It covers topics that no other books I have found does like dating, personal and family stresses, and many of the guilts we place on ourself and how other place their guilt onto us to ease their own. If you are not a widow or widower it is still a wonderful book to help you understand us and how we think.

This book is a must for any young person who has lost a spouse or someone who is close to them. If you know of someone buy it for them Don't make them find it on their own like I had to. It is noted in this book and I must agree that it is not for the newly widowed...wait a couple months before giving it to them."

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The best bereavement books - by Sherry Russell (grief specialist)

includes:
Tear Soup - by Pat Schweibert, et al
one of the reviews:
"I am a Marriage and Family Therapist who recently lost my beloved Mother. Her death was sudden and unexpected. I received this book as a gift to help me through my first birthday without my Mother. This book is absolutely tremendous in it's ability to address the truth of grief. This is a must have for both the bereaved and any professional who works with clients both young and old. I particularly enjoyed the way the book addressed the responses of the people around the bereaved--it was very healing and I will be purchasing several copies to give to people who have suffered a great loss."

and (not surprisingly) her own book (see above).

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A list of Grief Resources (also by Sherry Russell)
includes:

Awakening from Grief: Finding the Road Back to Joy - by John E. Welshons
Excerpts of reviews:

"If you are grieving, this book will comfort you. If not, it will prepare you for that which is not small stuff."
_____

"This book is exactly what you need to heal your aching heart . . . it will feel like a warm shower running inside of you where coldness previously lived . . ."
_____

"In my house I have a box in which I reverentially keep those few precious writings and items that most help me heal from the death of my daughter last year.
"Awakening From Grief" is in that box. Believe me, I've read a whole lot of grief books and this is one of the best."

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Hope this "info dump" is not overwhelming -- just thought one (or both) of you might find something in there that might offer some degree of comfort and/or help you adjust to this "new planet" on which you -- so very unwillingly -- now find yourselves.

Wishing you peace,

YY