Bloody 'ell! Five minutes! I'm still waitin' for me Christmas gift wot me nephew Tommy is sendin' from America...a boxed set of Wrestlemania DVDs!

Wait a minute...

'Ere, it's been 7 minutes now...I fink they's lyin'. Wait. It's been 8 minutes. Everyfink looks awright outside to me...

Right. They was lyin' to us. There ain't no Vogon 'igh Command.

Well, it was Connie Sherbrooke wot done it awright. She always was a nasty bit o' crumpet wot liked causin' distress to others, she was. Got me fired one time. I used to be the Sherbrooke's gardener and 'andyman back in '97. Come to fink of it, she 'as indireckly got me fired again!

I finks I know where Ms Rutledge got the tip, but I cannot reveal me sources at this time. Suffice it to say that if you want inside info you've got to go to the domestic staff for it. It's this wot makes us inmeasurably valuable to the privileged classes, and secures us our jobs. Also, we don't mind gettin' our 'ands dirty!

I am presently engaged in negotiatin' wif Rutledge House, and I just want to say that I didn't mean no harm whatever when I mentioned the punchin' bag, but was just expressin' me honest admiration and regard for Ms Penelope, along wif me concern that someone might get 'urt. I should not 'ave posted amonimously and I will not do so again. Cross me 'eart and 'ope to die.

- Albert McSwiggins