I am slowly, and late in life, coming to the conclusion that no one is better suited to taking care of me than myself. My solution to demanding mother/toxic sister was to see and take care of my m. when sis not around. Actually, it worked out very well, as we could take turns, cutting down on the work and unpleasantness for both us.

Talking things out is a lovely sounding solution, and it can work brilliantly with like-minded folk. But like evil, people who prefer to deal obliquely (not to say deviously) with problems will be with us always, family members included. After giving get-togethers several tries w/o reward at some level, I opt out. An evening alone, out of the fray, can be wonderfully peaceful and serene.

Best wishes to those who have compatible families to celebrate the holidays with, and best wishes to those who are so wise and adept at self caretaking as to realize they may be best spent in other merry company or alone.