As Fat Freddie and the mouthy Capuchin walk down West Washington toward the offices of Chongo Chimp, Primate Eye, a festering problem relating to the narrative style of Bee-dubya's contribution to this tale begins to come to a head.   Inasmuch as other contributors to this story have seen fit to write of Chongo's adventures in the overly simile-laden style typically associated with '40s detective fiction (complete with its unenlightened attitudes toward women), a stylistic conflict somewhat resembling the aftermath of a major train derailment is about to occur.

The crux of the matter is that Bee-dubya really, really, really, really hates that Sam Spade/Phillip Marlowe detective writing style. Yes, there are others who just love it and that's fine. There's no disputing taste. But Bee-dubya would rather take a razor blade to his wrists than have to write a line like "She wore a dress so tight that...." See! He can't do it! Can't even finish one stinkin' line!

Ya see, prior to now, Bee-dubya has been dealing strictly with peripheral characters and you can do them in any style you want. Ya don't really have to do the Sam Spade bit until you're talkin' about the main character, the private dick, the gumshoe of the story. The minor characters don't talk in ridiculous shop-worn metaphors and similes because they don't have to. Bartenders are not required to compare women's dames' dresses to Boa Constrictors, Burmese Pythons or any other slithery creatures, but gumshoes are. That's because minor characters have normal healthy sex lives. Only the main character is unfulfilled and perpetually horny to the point of having to create what he thinks are flattering - but, in reality, demeaning - figures of speech about any woman slightly more attractive than Barbara Bush. Truth of the matter is that all those guys are probably afraid of women and so are the writers who created them. If they were around today they'd probably join men's groups and spend their weekends throwing spears and dancing around campfires trying to figure out why they feel so unfulfilled.

So, there you have it. There's a big, dumb Chimp who doesn't know who or what he is on his way to a rendezvous with destiny in the form of Chongo Chimp, Primate Eye. Bee-dubya can't write any more about the subject because it would mean he would have to write in the "faux Phillip Marlowe" style appropriate to writing about Chongo himself, and HE'S NOT GONNA DO IT!!!!

So, Fat Freddie is going to step off a curb right into the path of an oncoming CTA bus. It will cure his amnesia, but it will also leave him paralysed and wheelchair-bound for life. Fortunately, the yappy little Capuchin monkey is going to be flattened like a pancake. Good riddance!

Meanwhile, Bee-dubya's gonna turn around and go back to Miami and come up with some more peripheral crap that he can do in a style closer to Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective, than Sam Spade.