Dear Mz Rankbottom,
Yore personable attacks roll from me like oil on a mallard and I am convinzz thet thar is a dublin standard at this folkboard az noboby ever comes to my defens when you take yore jabs at pore Tweed. I must be lower than even pore Gargoil, who at least haz some allies I notiss.
Posonby we could hook up an have coffee and get a room later. I don't believe them Nancy boyfrens of yore's is satisfyin your carnal lustings and you need a good rider to set you back on corse.

Yerz,
Tweed