Mr. Shatner,

You will please make note of the fact that your post was not #1900. That honor was claimed by the new love of my life, Ms Hortense C. Durp, former Royal Dancing Tart and future Wal-Mart cashier. (Hortense, I am composing a missive to you as soon as I get through dealing with this Shatner character.)

And your claim to be the Captain of this ship is utter hogwash. This ship, scurvy infested though it may be, is captained by The King of Mississippi and no other. At this moment, that happens to be khandu, though it may well have been my former pet pot-bellied pig Slim Piggins if it weren't for an unfortunate accident involving Slim and a barbecue pit at a VFW Memorial Day barbecue in Ocean Springs, Mississippi last May.

Anyway, khandu plays guitar much better than you act, so scram!