I was just looking through my old correspondance and found the following letter which I sent to our local council in response to a failed credit control cycle. Hope you enjoy it:-)

The Debt Recovery Group
Civic Centre
Chorley Road
Swinton
Manchester        M27 5AW

Reference Account 6525, Invoice 501125666


Dear Sir or Madam

I received a letter from your department dated 5 Mar 2001, a copy of which is attached. As the writer appears to have acquired the habit of capitalising random phrases, in the manner of a 1950's comic book, I trust you will have no objection to me replying in like manner.

I have received NO SUCH repeated requests as referred to in the document. I suggest that until you can confirm that such requests have in fact BEEN DELIVERED you should refrain from making POINTLESS THREATS about credit ratings, county courts and interest charges. What is more it would make more of an impact if you were to GET THE FACTS RIGHT before beginning any legal actions. Attention to such minor details as presenting the CORRECT NAME would certainly help.

I suppose it is too much to hope that the council to whom I pay my local taxes, PROMPTLY, by DIRECT DEBIT, would consider looking at the overall credit history of a debtor prior to issuing such ridiculous correspondence. This would entail PEOPLE CO-OPERATING. From what I have seen of the City of Salford this would seem to be to be beyond their limited capabilities.

As I did not trust your processes to work correctly on receipt of this letter, because they have OBVIOUSLY FAILED in your credit control cycle, I have paid the bill anyway. Had I have received even one reminder PRIOR TO THIS NOTICE you would have received the payment far earlier.

Trusting that you will ensure that timely reminders are sent earlier in future and that you will find this correspondence as humorous as I found yours.

Yours sincerely


David POLSHAW