Uh yeah.........Well, you see.......yeah.........

Lemme' explain this in the "male" terminology. The term is "Equal Opportunity" and could be used by females or gays. But rather than dance around with Equal Opps terms, let me say it as a "guy" would phrase it complete with locker room chauvinism. Okay? Hoo Boy.........Here you go, apologies in advance. When I explain some of these things to Karen at times, her reaction often is, "The malechild seems to lead a somewhat different life don't you?" So..............

COYOTE UGLY

First, "ugly." Let's say not desirable for any number of reasons. Classically, it's looks, but there are a lot of other qualities that makes a person "ugly." So we now can move on to the real definition which you'll understand after reading this scenario:

You slowly awaken and your groggy-foggy mind begins to stir as your senses adjust to the darkened surroundings. As your taste sense sends a message to your brain, you first assume that a passing dog has shit in your mouth, but slowly you realize it is of your own doing; too many cigarettes and too much booze. Your head is giving off mild pains and the knowledge that these are the prelude to a serious skull blasting hangover confirms what your taste buds are saying. Your eyes only partially adjust to the grayish morning colors that are making strange shadows in the unfamiliar room. It takes another few seconds to come to terms with the room. It's difference from home is obvious, but somehow you know it, like something you've seen before. Yeah, now you have it, it's your motel room, yeah, that's it. You somehow, only now, begin to perceive that you are embracing another naked body. As all of the senses begin to jaggedly connect, memories from the previous evening gel together. Your first really cognizant thought is, "I gotta' get outta' here before this broad wakes up! What the hell was I thinking last night? You weren't thinking dumbass.....well at least your brain wasn't. Jesus." But you've been on the road a long time and you know the drill. Slide into your clothes, grab your bag (you never unpack that 2-suiter), and your attache case and quietly go out the door. You can clean up down the road and put on a fresh shirt and tie, take a handful of mixed painkillers, grab some coffee and make it to your first appointment with time to spare. No problem. But wait a minute; you are embracing this woman that was so much better looking last night! "How the hell am I going to get out of this bed with her lying on my arm?" You remember reading about coyotes caught in a trap that chew off their leg to escape. You look at her. You look at your arm.

That, Katmyluv, is "Coyote Ugly." ........like I said, those days are long past.

Spaw