Well, there have been some helpful comments here, I think. I feel deep in my heart that pickles CAN fly, and I am eager to find evidence proving it. The painting of the flying cucumber is encouraging.

There have also been some useless comments, which I will now address.

Blind DRunk in Blind River: What kind of idiot are you? I don't have to take this kind of stuff from you, you simpleminded jerk! There is nothing wrong with my sexual system. Take your stupid innuendos and inflict them on people who are at your own infantile mental level, if you can find any!

Amos: I am very offended that you think pickles are aerodynamically unsound. That's a blatant misrepresentation. Pickles are so beautifully constructed from an aerodynamic point of view that the North American Auto industry has taken notice in recent years and built many cars which resemble the general shape of a pickle. Note the perfectly rounded front of the pickle, offering the ideal shape to reduce air resistance. Note the long, lean, slightly curving structure of the pickle's fuselage, maximizing strenght, resiliency, and balance. Then note the greatest feature of all...the little bumps! These act as a means of breaking down turbulence and resisting wind shear. I predict that within the next 20 years all high performance fighter planes will sport similar little bumps on their wings and fuselages. Lemons also have such bumps, but lemons can't match pickles as an airfoil because they aren't long enough to maintain directional stability. I demand that you retract your statement, Amos, and admit that pickles are earodynamically almost perfect.

Martin Gibson: I am not institutionalized! I'm one of the founding members of the Loyal Order of Muskrats in my town, and I am a regular churchgoer at the Baptist Fellowship. I have a library card. I bowl on Saturdays and watch football on Sundays (after church). I drive a Ford Aerostar. My daughter is a Varsity cheerleader. What do you take me for? As a matter of fact, I am related to Gomer Pyle, but only distantly. He was a cousin of a great uncle's nephew or something like that.