A very mediocre Denver Broncos center was taking listener questions on a local talk show. One caller says " Tom, I wonder if you can tell me what size shoe Howie Long wears?( Howie being the All-Pro Oakland Raiders linebacker)." Tom replies "I wouldn't have a clue." The listener responds " why don't you just measure the imprint in the middle of your chest." Maybe not such a stupid question after all.

Once a business associate and I were checking out of a hotel. We were halfway to the car with our bags when the desk clerk came running up with my friends American Express card, exclaiming "Hey! You forgot this!" As my friend reaches out to take it, the guy pulls it away and says "sorry. I'll have to see some I.D. first."