I wish to announce a most prestigious and marvelous piece of news! The official Clinton Hammond Fan Club has been formed, with its offices in the Barrie area, southern Ontario, Canada. Raptor is the President. I am Vice President. My dog, Valdy, is secretary-treasurer and Nilson, a local Barrie-area skunk who lives near Raptor's house, is in charge of security.

We all agree that Clinton is remarkable. He hates grass and birds and despises New Age philosopy. He murders skunks by proxy. He is secretly planning to destroy the planet Earth and exterminate the human race. He's an excellent musician. He exhibits the tenderness of a sledgehammer and the compassion of a moray eel. His beard is extremely well groomed. He loves "Trailer Park Boys". When I think of Clinton, I can't decide whether he should be knighted or hanged! All these qualities put together result in a man who really deserves a fan club, and that is why we formed it.

PM Raptor if you don't believe me.

We are planning to host a getogether in May at Raptor's place, and we encourage all Clinton Hammond fans to come and camp out on Raptor's floor, play music, and watch episodes of Trailer Park Boys on the big screen with surround sound!

Yowsa! Be there or be deprived.

- LH