David, I've picked this up on Allisons BS Bereavenment thread. I send hugs and my heartfelt sympathy to you across the miles from East Yorkshire.
I don't want to get on the 'how to grieve' angle but on the 'what can help' angle. I suggest that too soon we forget how much that message / call / thought/ really counts. KEEP IN TOUCH. The griever may not react to every call or offer of help. Remember they cannot be expected to think too clearly while still in shock. I believe Allison, through her sadness, still recognises just how much love is generating towards her and I hope David can gain from that same love. David, take the time to keep in touch, give yourself time to grieve and don't be afraid to cry. It is allowed! I'm sure that your beloved wife would expect nothing less! Take care.

Hazel