The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #1101364
Posted By: GUEST,William Shatner
25-Jan-04 - 10:56 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Well, now. That's really quite good. More the kind of quality I expected from you, Amos. I am impressed. You wouldn't mind if I borrow some of it for my next dramatic part? I can just see it now...

THE SCENE: A desolate rock-strewn area on some distant planet (or in Arizona). In the foreground we see the hero (played by me) confronting a group of alien heavies led by a pompous creature named "Krill" or something like that...a fellow with lots of head sculpts and prosthetics.

OUR HERO (me) speaks (*ahem*): Krill!...you're...a poor man's cheap escape from his own irresponsibility, a fantasy looking for a reality to replace, an ineptitude is search of a victim. You...think that victim is me. Ha! You're a mere drop of water in the waste pipe of those who do the real work of life. You're...a chicken scratching on the Page of existence. You're...a minor typographical anomaly, a speck of aberrant dust in the long view of the cosmos. You...have as much weight in the fate of the galaxy as you have in the fate of my starship. That's none, mister. Zippo. Nada. You...are a mote of dust in the mighty River of Life. You...are not suited to sneer, condemn, or judge me and my crew. You're...not even suited to cleaning the waste bays on an interplanetary junk scow. Now, go off and see to your collection of lace doilies before I...am forced to get tough with you!

(You'll note that I shortened it a bit. Brevity is more effective than endless hyperbole, and modern audiences have a short attention span. Thanks, buddy. This is going to sound absolutely great, and I've been shut out of Oscar night for too long. Here's a tip: you don't necessarily have to be "original" to succeed. You just have to know what works and when to do it.)

Mr Bill