Thanks, Rap. Maybe not funny, Guest, but true. Add:
Don't mess with his hat and leave his woman be.
If there is a dog in the back of the Pickup, don't try to pet it.You WILL be sorry.
If the dog is on the sidewalk, STILL don't try to pet it and whatever you do, don't run from it.
I don't care what kind of dog it is.
Learn to dip Copenhagen or Skoal...you'll fit in better.
Wear the shit on the outside, not on the inside.
Have a few dog hairs on the inside of your fancy SUV. Trust me, it will help.
Bob ware in the bed will help too. So will a few fence posts or empty beer cans.

I know I can think of more.