Alricht, Ah'll bite! Ah'm borrowin ma tune frae a sang wi' lyrics Ah'm tired o hearin, as the tune itsel is sic a guid ane. Ah've been wishin for years Ah cuid sing it wi some ither lyrics, an here ye've gane an thrawn oot thae maist delichtfu bait... muckle thanks!!!

Here ye gae:

THE CROFTER'S GILT (parody o "The Scotsman's Kilt)
(wi' apologies tae Mike Cross or whaemever wrocht the original sang)

Weel, Charlotte Brayley hamewaird went frae toon one evening fair
Her art-class dane, she hamewaird spun, her sheep-flock needin care
She keeked her lugs tae the radio, her weary mind tae fill,
When cam the tide o a wildcat spied, amang those verra hills!

cho: Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o
The newscast cried o wildcats spied amang those verra hills!

Wi pressin need, she hame did speed, tae Dalry & the brae
Whit cuid she dae tae keep her ewes an lambs frae turnin prey?
She cast her artist's een aboon, wi racin mind an hairt,
An bent her will tae blendin crofter's skill an scholar's art.

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o
She bent her will tae blendin crofter's skill an scholar's art.

Ms. Brayley gaily tuik the paints she'd bocht in Glasgae-toon.
She plan'd a field study; sae a ram-blin she went roon...
Wi ane eye tae the wethers, an anither for the hues,
The crafty crofter doffed her hat an stairtit tintin ewes!

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o
The crafty crofter doffed her hat an tuik tae tintin ewes!

She pencilled in the ootlines, then she stencilit awa
Wi reds an greens an purple tae, the scheme wis luikin braw...
She kent the neebors thocht her mad, an sure, the toon wuid talk,
But artists maun brush up their skills, & paint--or pen--the flock.

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o
Artists maun brush up their skills an paint--or pen--their flocks.

The paint wis dry; the gloamin cam, when wildcats stairt their spree!
The panther creepit doon the brae, but sheep it cuidnae see
The rainbow-flock chewed blithely on, hame hungry cat did creep,
An Charlotte earned a passin grade, e'en tho her art was sheep!

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o
The Crofter-scholar made the grade, altho her art was sheep!

--Cuilionn