I'm not one who really shares my feelings too much. I'm not a cry in my beer kind of person normally, but I tell you folks what, I have been going through this thing of death so much this past month I am almost exploding with a kind of grief I have not experienced ever before. This past month I have lost my dear friend and washtub bass player (Mike), another beloved friend who played electric washboard (John), 2 friends that I loved dearly (Harley and Jeff),and tonight another friend (Henry)who died of heart failure, and he wasn't found for 3 days.When he was, he was found dead in his snow plow truck out doing a job where the owners weren't around.

I am trying real hard to deal with my losses. And loss is what is in my heart. I am at a loss. I am in pain. I am dehydrated from tears. I have been doing a wrong to the MOAB, by sharing my grief and I can't continue to wrong the MOAB with an un-bullshit because that just ain't the MOAB that I have grown to love and adore.

Now if I may get to my point....

I'm not looking for sympathy or compassion. I want to talk about how we deal with death. I have always believed in a spirit, A soul that goes on, an entity that never dies. I have never been one to take death to serious because I don't fear it. Yet I am so saddened with the loss of my friends, I feel hypocritical and selfish. Selfish I can deal with. Yeah, I lost a friend (actually just too damned many recently). I won't have those friends around anymore to deal with my shit. To love me for who I am. Ya know, a friend. But the part that gets me is the overwhelming sadness I feel. I am trying to deal with that. I know in my heart they are still out there so why am I a hypocrite and think I lost them??? Oh such a dilemma!! Ok. I have said too much.

What are your thoughts?

P.S. Please don't post your sympathies- your thoughts are what I'm after.
I love you all. Please don't die on me tonight!!
Love, Rustic Rebel in state of death related confusion.