OK, RR, I will give you my thoughts on your post. It seems to me that you really need to deal with your own thoughts on death. I seem to hear you rationalizing what death is, having it all figured out, but when it comes visiting like it has recently, it makes you angry. I know what I do when human frailty comes crashing full force into my intellect. For me, I head to my hill with my Low D and start to play. I try to clear my mind and lose myself in the sounds of the whistle. And after a while, the Greatest One comes sneaking in through the sound and helps me sort it all out. You asked for our thoughts and these are mine. You have gotten hit with too much too quickly and our basic human insecurities are running on you. Find your version of the hill, take your version of the Low D whistle, and listen to the wisdom of those who have gotten away. Give yourself the opportunity to let the confusion clear, and clarity will follow. I am sorry for sounding so new age - ish, but I have been doing this for many years and it works for me.

Mick