I come at this in a different way, being alone (not by choice), but having spent time in Buddhist monasteries, and having thought about the dynamics of it a lot. I think there is a difference between what I would call loneliness, which can sometimes freeze you to the bone marrow, and being by yourself. Having also been in unhappy relationships, my experience is that it is better to be alone and reasonably happy, than together and being very unhappy. Being lonely is only marginally better than being together and being very unhappy, but it is better (marginally). Being together and happy is the best!!

I think people have different ways of being by themselves. Some people are nested alone, some are nomads who have stopped by the roadside for a few moments. Some see their being alone as a shock, others see it as being normal, others see it as being a burden, others a liberation. (The same is true in the opposite sense of people in relationships -- all sorts of different takes on what being in a relationship is).

I looked after my mother and father for the two years prior to their deaths (and spent a lot of time in nursing homes in the last nine months of my mother's life), and I was -- and am -- shocked that in so called modern societies we cannot find a way to have old people live and die in their homes in comfort, unless they have a lot of money. Why the yuppies aren't out on the streets protesting, I do not know.

It has also been my experience, maire-aine (thanks for the thread by the way), that people with good friends may be by themselves, but are not alone when trouble hits.

yours,

Peter T.