D&M alert...

i have been living without a partner for four years. My ex lives next door, and we share custody of the cat.

living alone was a shock - my children went overseas and i was living alone for the first time ever. I was very conscious of the empty space in the lounge room.

it took me a couple of years not just to accept it but to enjoy it, and what helped was friends.

loneliness is a trap which can force people into going into lousy intimate friendships to plug the gap.

i have some different circles of friends. four of us who are all artists went thru long term relationship breakups around the same time. we got together four years ago and organised to meet regularly as a group, every six weeks, and go out together, which we have done ever since. One is Lithuanian/aussie, one is Aboriginal, one is Croatian/oz, I am an Irish/scottish australian. Some of us within that circle meet more often than that separately. I have known one of these women for 32 years, the other two for 20.

I have an old friend who is a psychologist. She has organised a similar support circle and we meet every month. there are five of us - the other four are Jewish women in their early fifties. I turn 50 in a couple of weeks. Two of us are singers, the other three are psychologists. We meet every month and spend around four hours together, at one of our homes, talking. One of these women has cancer, and we give her support. We have talked out a number of very personal issues, and as the time has gone by have built up very trusting relationships. I'll be meeting with them tomorrow. it is a great time to get together and talk, and we have a lot of fun as well.

There is another group of us who get together - five of us who used to be in a choir together meet every 2 months to sing and talk. we had this one at my place today.

Having these regular circles has helped a lot. These circles are different from my other networks which are either old friends from the 70s, artists, people from the co-op, friends from work or folkies. The circles operate like regular reliable support groups, and we plan them to happen and keep happening.

Having these has helped me to become more emotionally independent and not to depend too much one a couple of close friends.

four years later i enjoy my home & peace & quiet. of course then the two younger kids (22 and 24) moved back in. we've got things set up so they live upstairs & I live downstairs.

when i was first on my own, i got back into reading. I poured a bit of energy into some artwork. I worked long hours. and i did a lot of folk music.

these things were good and filled up space. but now i feel i've relaxed into a lifestyle i think will continue on for a few decades.

when i spend time with my children, its a social occasion and we enjoy it. i don't want to depend on them, or them to depend on me.

I have talked about these circles of friendship as a way of talking about the major need for single people of any age - emotional connection & trusting friendships. i think its interesting to have friends from different circles and from different decades. These friendships are valued and cherished.   

blah blah...

i value the connections and friendships i'm making thru mudcat too!

best wishes

freda