As I was deleting the usual collection of offers I have no wish to take advantage of in my e-mail this morning,I realised something momentous.For hundreds of years people have been looking up at the stars and messing about with complex charts to read their future but there's no need. You can foretell your day's little up's and down's through Spam!!!!

First, get yourself an e-mail address.....anyone will do, they'll find you sooner or later. Then any morning or evening, open your e-mail and scry the contents.

4 or more offers to enlarge any part of your anatomy means today will be a day to try harder.
7 or more offers to make you rich means today will be a good day to ask the boss for a raise or pay back any small debts you may owe.
2 or more offers to allow you to gain a Degree with no 'work' means today is a good day to meet new people
5 or more invitations to pornographic sites will mean you may wish to avoid discussions in the street with obnoxious strangers.

See? I'm on to something, don't you reckon? Obviously, I'm still developing the art of reading Spam, but I reckon I could make millions, I tell you, millions!!!! They'll be sorry they laughed at my self-propelling colonic irrigation kit then. alright!

Morticia;Inventor of Read Your Future with Spam (Patent pending)