Paddy the piss-head.... Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany.

Mick, the bartender, advises. "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy."

Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.

"Shoite, Shoite!" he exclaims.

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly-crawls to the door and shimmies up to the doorframe.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face.

"Bi 'Jesus ... I'm really focked!" He mumbles to himself.

He can see his house just a few doors down and crawls to the door and clambers up the door frame, opens the door and crawls inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and utters. "No fockin' way!" But, very slowly, step by step, he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I can make it to the bed."

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He mumbles. "Fock it!" ...and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Mary, comes into the room carrying a cup of tea and says. "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".

Paddy replies. "I did Mary, I was fockin' p*ssed. But how'd you know?" Mick called - you left your wheelchair at the pub.