The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives, and Southerners

ISSUE:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a loaded Colt Python, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

LIBERAL ANSWER:

1. Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

2. Does the man look poor or oppressed?

3. Have I, or any of my relatives, ever done anything to him that would inspire or provoke him to attack?

4. Could we run away?
5. What does my wife think?
6. What about the kids?
7. Do we have time to take a poll on the question?

8. Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand without hurting him?

9. What does the law say about this situation?

10. Does the revolver have an appropriate safety lock?

11. Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway? And what kind of dangerous message does this send to society and to my children?

12. Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

13. Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

14. If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

15. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends to try to come to a conclusion.

CONSERVATIVE'S ANSWER:

1. BANG!

SOUTHERNER'S ANSWER:

1. BANG!

2. BANG!

3. BANG!

4. BANG!

5. BANG!

6. BANG!

(sound of reloading, then repeat above six steps...)

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"

Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it, too."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"