Only the best people wear the best hats, i.e. Akubra the Oz made 'Best hat in the World' I of course wear the Coolibah model myself, and very dashing I look in it too!
Boudicca, now that you've been disinterred from under platform 6, let me be among the first to welcome you. I'm sorry to say this, but we're still having problems with the Italians, particularly in the realm of F1 racing. You could help us out on this one, but the hub caps would have to go. Not the ones on your chest, but those swords bolted to the axles of your chariot, overtaking at Monaco is hard enough!
As for the peeing standing up brigade, you've never lived until you've seen 3 'chemically enhanced' young ladies having a pee standing up contest, at a very drunken barbecue. But enough of my mis-spent youth.
The press secretary job sounds OK, but the energy suck sounds a bit like a fella Tio I used to meet all too rarely, back in the barbecue days of my youth. However I can still manage the press part of the job description, if given enough warning.
What we need now is a campaign slogan like 'It's the stupid economy'
John