Swallowing the fish bait that passed for food on my limited income these days, I pleaded with Pete to let me online.

Handing me a stick of juicy fruit, he said, "Grr, you lowlife, dumbass, foul-smelling, deadbeat, I'm not waiting any longer! You show me the goods or it'll be yer kneecaps first, then I'll let Luggo here work over the rest of ya. You'll be so bad, none of the fishes in the deep, sludgy, filthy rivah will even think about nibbling on yer sorry ass! Now get over here and log on!"

With trembling hands and one eye on Luggo-the No Brainer, I sat down at Pete's computer, praying that I could remember my dawgdam password!