Andy, do you mean I'm not real? Am I just a figment of my imagination? Oh, (sobs quietly in the background)woe unto the house of Lackford.It isn't unlucky for me, it might be unlucky for him being wished an advance happy birthday by a figment of his imagination.

An introduction to the English language. By; Afig Ment.

Fred is the common mis(s)spelling of Thread. Though Thread is often pronounced "Fred", by peoples of the southern home lands of Britain.(To which you are a frequent visitor I gather)

Cor blimey-roughly translated means "God blind me" sort of the equivalent of "Gott in Himmel".

That clears that up.

'Appy birthday me old mucker, me old mate skipjack-for the second time from your little figment.('ope it ain't too unlucky)