Lane, Fielding, Paterson and Swan
Lay-Abouts- at- Large
Ohio Division
Attention: Mr. Catspaw Paterson

Dear Mr. 'Spaw:

I read your post with considerable concern, and it is with a large degree of reluctant rectitude that I disregard my previous restraint and set down here, for your review, the activities of February 16th. I had attempted to exercise restraint in the telling of the tire tale, but after careful deliberation with my husband, we have agreed that 'tis better to tell the True Tale than to chance loosing the "L" in L,F,P&S: FAA.

Now you may not be aware of the fact that I am not a morning person. In fact, it often takes gentle handling to arouse me early in the morning, but on that particular Toronto morning your colleague, Mr. Lane, promised a "rare treat in fine company". Imagine my emotional roller coaster as one thing lead to another and soon in true Lay-about fashion Mr. Lane was flat on his back. ( Exhibit Page 5, Photo 5) ) and I found myself with a handful of Icy Nuts !!!

As I am sure you are aware, in the frigid Toronto morning, cold contractions of exposed nuts can make it difficult to get them off. Previously Mr. Big Mick had implied that I might someday be eligible for consideration of provisional Layabout status--- I thought this might be some form of field testing situation, so with great reluctance, I slowly and gently removed the nuts from the palm of my hand and let him resolve the situation personally. At no time that morning ( or elsewise during the weekend) did Mr. Lane even break a sweat. I can unequivocally testify that Mr. Lane's Lay-about-status was never endangered.

Sincerely,
Ms. Tinker