YOU CAN'T BE IRISH IF YOU'RE GAY
Rob Carlson

We'll be coming down Fifth Avenue upon St. Patty's Day
A great day for the Irish all across the U.S.A.
But begorrah, what is this I hear, this cry and ballyhoo?
There's a bunch of queers that are getting us scared that say they're Irish, too.

Oh, God loves the Irish unless of course, you're gay
He won't be wanting you marching upon St. Patty's Day.
You can be a bum, a bucket of scum, sure and that's okay.
But you can't be Irish if you're gay.

Now the Order of Hibernians, those eminences gray
Have delivered this pronouncement upon the Blessed Day
Sure, a little bit of heaven found nestled in the sea
But you're going straight to hell for homosexuality

Oh, God loves the Irish unless of course, you're gay
That was their pronouncement as the pipes began to play
You can be a con a mafia don we'll laugh it all away
But you can't be Irish if you're gay.

L-E-S-B-I-A-N and S spells lesbians
Choose another woman for to mate with
Divil a man can ever get a date with
L-E-S-B-I-A-N and S we say
It's a shame that these dames want to come out and march with us
Lesbians-no way!

Well Just as Cardinal O'Connor is bound to set us straight
It's boyos like the Kennedys that made this country great
We don't allow no Peter pan a wearin' of the Green
And when we say, "Up the Irish", that isn't what we mean.

Oh, God loves the Irish as long as Men are Men
Except of course, for leprechauns we've never been sure of them
You can be a bum, a bucket of scum, sure and that's okay
But you can't be Irish
You can't be Irish
Don't dare to be Irish if you're gay

Dyd-le-dee dydle-dee dye-dle dee, dye-dle dye-dle day!

Brían