Last night, I went to hear a gospel group at a coffee house. Before they sang, there was an hour and a half of open mike. My wife and I had never been to the place before, so we got there early enough to hear most of the open mike performers. After listening to the first two or three performers get up and do their two song limit, all the familiar words came rushing into my mind... "song-whiners", navel-gazers.." My reaction was like most people my age... I felt like yelling out, Quitcherbellyakin! As I sat there for awhile, though, a different perspective came to me. Yes, the songs were mostly about lousy love affairs, delivered in a mumbled, almost incoherent fashion. And, everyone seemed to want to make it clear that they were "sensitive."
But as time went by, my feelings toward the singers changed. Most of them were in their early or mid twenties... one young man introduced a song he had written when he was young (five years ago, when he was in high school.)

When I think back to when I was that young, I see things very differently. I started playing guitar when I was about 15, and yet the first time I ever sang in front of anyone... I mean ANYONE, including my own family, I was 29 years old. It wasn't so much that I was shy. It was more that I was so insecure and lacking in confidence that I just didn't have the courage to expose myself on stage, in front of an audience. I knew I wasn't very good (although in retrospect, I was a lot better than I believed I was.) I just didn't want to be hurt. Simple as that. And I saw that in these kids, who could talk about when they were young. I ended up feeling that what these kids needed more than anything was a hug. Someone to encourage them, even if they will NEVER be very good. There can be a smugness about being good, that diminishes people who are less gifted. Deliver us from that.

When I think of those kids getting up there, all nervous and apologetic, I think of the kids in the 60's getting up at hootenannies, introducing a song by saying, "I will now attempt to play..." It was an open request not to be judged too harshly, because they were so unsure of themselves. I heard those same introductions last night. Nothing has changed. Unless it's us.

So, whatever happened to that insecure, overly introspective kid we were? Has the awkwardness, self-deprecation and openly stated need to be accepted been replaced by smugness, cynicism, bitterness, hardness and judgement? Are we able to acknowledge our own limitations, our confusion and need for love, or has that all been crusted over with cynicism and sarcasm?

I see my sons struggling to become the men they will become, and I remember that when you haven't accepted yourself, you can't see outward. You do see yourself as the center of the universe, and you do a lot of navel gazing, trying to figure out who you are. The lucky ones never stop seeking to understand themselves. I think my sons are going to be that way and I am thankful for it. I know that as they come to love and accept themselves more, then they'll be able to see others more clearly.

In the meantime, maybe it's time to cut kids a little slack... those navel-gazing song-whiners who write God-awful songs and mumble the words so self-consciously. They expose themselves in all their vulnerability and inadequacy. Have we lost the ability to do that?

Were we ever that young?

Jerry