That confidence thing isn't automatic with age or maturity. After doing lots of stage performances over a ten/eleven year period from 1965-1976, to audiences that ranged in size from one (me) to 30,000 at Newport, I thought I'd never get the jitters again. Was doing a concert at McGill U in Montreal after what was probably 2000 stage sets all over North America in all kinds of melieus, and about fifteen minutes before I had to go on I was lookin' for a place to puke. (It was my audience (some of you will understand what I mean by that)) and I really couldn't go wrong on the stage. Keriste, I puked my guts out. Some people who had always seen me as a good stage performer couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. I think I heaved three times. I was two or three minutes late for the stage, went on and got two encores and a SO. This is not a 'pat my back' story. I have felt that type of 'nerves' very often. I guess it's nature's way of stopping me from becoming too complacent.

As to encouraging others, I made the mistake once of saying what I felt about another person's writing, and I wish with all my heart I could take those words back. I have only been able to do the next best thing: If I have nothing good to say, I bloody well FIND something good to say. If someone thinks enough of me to ask my opinion, I damn well owe them the kindest most considered things I can say.

Years back, I sang a few songs for a couple of people who wanted to hear them. One of the songs was excellent (Fool Like Me), well-written, good melody, neat guitar work. I had at that time recently finished it. You songwriters will understand what that's like: bust your ass for a week getting everything just right, and this guy says, "It brings me no pleasure." I could feel my soul collapse. I have never forgot that either. Today, for my own writing, I don't look for anyone's approval anymore. If I like it, that's good by me. However, younger people need our encouragement.

When I mark student poetry or essays, I find the positives--because it isn't much of a teacher who can't. In my first year of university--I'd been a high school dropout--I handed in a paper to the professor I liked most. I was anxious to see what he would say. The essay was about language and the structures of written English. I had worked for about 30 hours on that 2000 word essay. I received a mark in the 70s. Attached was a single-spaced typed critique that started, "Dear Mr Murdoch, I have read your essay and I find it to be scholarly, well-written and humourous. There were, however, a few errors of omission." The rest of the typed page tore the essay apart. I don't remember ANY of that. We all know that a pat on the back is only 6" higher than a kick in the ass, but give that pat first, and ya can say lots of stuff another person will learn from.

Sorry to go on so.

Bruce Murdoch