harpgirl.."I've always thought sexual expression can and should be as widely expressive of human emotion, thought, and behavior as we have variations in humans. Sex is a pasttime, an adventure, a sporting event, an athletic encounter, a power struggle, an expression of deep love and affection, a stress reliever, an anxiety reliever, a creative event, an exploration, and so on. I do think it should be mutually agreed upon as to what's up, however...."

with respect you have no idea what B & B's approach to sex is, because for her its a private thing.

a person may be reserved, cautious, or considered about getting involved with another person. this doesn't mean that they are judgemental of others' practises in anyway, it also doesn't mean that they aren't creative in private. its just about being cautious before establishing trust with a potential sexual partner.

i had some friends, two sisters, who worked as prostitutes for some years. They both dismissed other women as limited idiots who were ineffectual in the bedroom. Over the years i observed they both had major problems in establishing intimacy with men, on any levels. their views of other women were based on their own need for one upmanship. as well, the sort of men they chose to be involved with were ultimately selfish and exploitative.

personally, once negotiations come into it, to me the spontaneity is over. it turns into industrial relations, just like any workplace does when power relationships break down. consideration and sharing are more appealing words.

intimacy, the desire to be close to a particular someone because they are admirable, to express affection to that person, and yes to love, leads to powerful enjoyable moments that are no one else's business. and no one else's to judge.


freda