Hot dogs and the loss of one's virginity in the same thread must have made at least a few women squimish...

Dear brucie, the idea of sending you some kind of substitute in the form of blow-up dolls, apple pies, sheep or llamas are all very thoughtful..though I have to wonder that none of these gentlemen who profess to be your friends have offered you either a sister, cousin, friend, or mate, to help you out.

I'd certainly be there in a hot second. You need only pay my plane fare, and a bit more for my time...say $5,000 for a night of de-virgining you?

Then again, I just have to think there is a lovely Lady of the Evening just waiting around the corner of your local pub, who would do the same for considerably less.

So, these are my suggestions, and a heck of a lot more practical than what your buddies have thought to offer, if I do say so myself...

Just stay away from the cats, ok?..xx..e