As was reported earlier this week, members of the violin section of the Beethoven Orchestra in Bonn, Germany, already the highest paid orchestra on earth, have sued for a pay increase arguing that they play more notes per performance than other instruments in the orchestra. They have asked for approximately $150 additional for each performance or rehearsal.

This morning orchestra management held an open meeting in an attempt to settle the labor dispute but where surprised when members of other sections of the orchestra presented hastily developed schemes for fairly valuing their contribution to the orchestra. After hearing the violinists' presentation, brass players responded that violinists merely bow or pluck their instruments, but they are required to provide the additional effort of blowing into their instruments should receive a pay raise as well. Wind players in the orchestra countered that they too have the additional effort of blowing into their instruments plus are required to play with eight fingers and a thumb, more than any brass player. They argued they should receive the sum demanded by the brass players plus an 6 finger surcharge, that being the difference in the number of fingers used by the respective instrument sections. When brass players objected to receiving less pay than the wind players, the wind players' representative responded "Oh, yeah?" and a minor scuffle broke out until the parties were separated by orchestra ushers who had been trying to work out their own claims based on the number of chairs they managed versus the number of chairs the conductor of the orchestra was responsible for. One oboe reed was reported received minor injuries.

After the disturbance, players of larger string instrument and united with players of brass instruments lobbying for a pay increase because they have to carry much larger instruments to work. They are divided on whether the raise should be based on weight or instrument volume in cubic centimeters, however.

So far the drum section has not responded, though rumors persist that they have been hindered from responding to the number of notes argument put forth by the violinists due to a shortage of fingers and toes needed to perform the necessary calculations.

In unrelated news, journalists remain divided over whether reporters covering science should receive more pay than sports reporters because they use longer words and actually have to understand what they cover. Political analysts are also divided over whether to sue for a pay increase because, no matter what the science and sports reporters have to put up with, nothing compares to having to work with a bunch of politicians day in and day out.

Film at 11.