How dare you Sir. I have not been creaming off the profits from the lost Sirlard.This is an afront to my honesty. I am well known as an honest peasant of this land. The fact that he has lost himself, just means he is now on a voyage of self discovery (again) and will emerge dripping as fresh as a butter-fly.No, don't blame me that his compass is upside down,his oil cooling mechanism faulty and his bearings running hot!I only told him to keep heading west until he came to what looks like a very big river and to then start swimming until he reached "the other side". (He fell for it-I guess) Now for my inheriatnce.

Welcome all peasants to the republic of Grease. Noble friends elect me as your leader. I promise equality and fairness. Beatings only on a Sunday, unless deserved otherwise.

My first proclamation; All future gatherings will be held on the most inconvenient date for everyone, at the opposite end of the world, furthest from the nearest other folk event.

Oh...... I think I hear him returning!

Sorry your Lardship. I was only oiling the wheels of commerce for you in your abstinence. Ouch, (go to go now)