Moonchild -- It's true. I hate that number --50 -- it sounds so old to me. But I look at myself right now, and my life right now and I know for certain it's never been better. I just keep getting better and better, in terms of my strength of spirit, my physical health, my confidence. I've either handled or come to terms with the major issues in my life -- relationship with my mother, relationship with my father, relationship with my children's father, the "what do I want to be when I grow up" dilemma -- so the emotional turmoil of the past is gone.
Part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering when the "bad stuff" is going to start. But for the most part, I just try to enjoy what I've got and not anticipate the bad too much.
However -- I have to admit that because I look youngish and think farily young, I tend to attract men in their late 30s, early 40s. Which is fun -- nothing wrong with younger men -- BUT, I'm finding more and more I don't want to let the cat out of the bag and actually say the "Fifty word." Not because of what I think about it, but because of what I think THEY think about it....
I look at those images coming out of Serbia, though, of the women who look so exhausted and worn and who I imagine aren't as old as I am, and I mostly just feel deeply grateful to have the blessings I have. Perspective, sweet perspective.