It is a fact that most men have lousy aim. Even putting the seat up may not prove sufficient for some of these dunces to avoid splashing on the toilet's outer surfaces. Therefore, it is wiser to do what women do, and sit on the toilet while urinating. This is assuming some idiot hasn't already messed it up with his lousy aim, of course!

One way that men can improve their lousy aim is by practicing on those standup urinals and aiming right into one of the little holes in the porcelain. If you can nail it dead center within one second you've got good aim.

One thing the average guy can manage is to pee accurately against the side of a large tree or a wall, but then you have to watch out for splashback. Always allow sufficient distance. Mailboxes would work too, if they weren't usually set up too high. Letter slots are not advisable, and may lead to being charged or even severed. Vacuum cleaners can cause electrocution.

If you are troubled by moles digging holes in your lawn you can send them a message about how you feel. Collect all your urine in a handy container and pour it down the mole's tunnel entrances. It won't make him leave your property, but it will certainly annoy him.

- LH