Right said Fred
Both of us together
One each end and steady as we go


Tried to shift it
Couldn't even lift it
We was getting nowhere
And so
We
Had a cup of tea and


Right said Fred
Give a shout to Charlie
Up comes Charlie from the floor below


After straining
Heaving and complaining
We was getting nowhere
And so
We
Had a cup of tea and


Charlie had a think and he thought we ought
To take off all the handles
And the things wot held the candles
But it did no good
Well I never thought it would


Oh
Right said Fred
Have to take the feet off
To get them feet off wouldn't take a mo


Took its feet off
Even took the seat off
Should have got us somewhere but no!
So Fred said let's have another cup of tea
And we said
Right-o


Oh
Right said Fred
Have to take the door off
Need more space to shift the so-and-so


Had bad twinges
Taking off the hinges
And it got us nowhere
And so
We
Had a cup of tea and


Right said Fred
Have to take the wall down
That there wall is gonna have to go


Took the wall down
Even with it all down
We was getting nowhere
And so
We
Had a cup of tea and


Charlie had a think and he said look Fred
I've got a sort of feeling
If we remove the ceiling
With a rope or two
We could drop the blighter through


Oh
Right said Fred
Climbing up a ladder
With his crowbar gave a mighty blow


Was he in trouble
Half a ton of rubble
Landed on the top of his dome!
So Charlie and me had another cup of tea
And then we
Went home


Spoken: I said to Charlie, we'll just have to leave it standing on the landing, that's all. You see the trouble with Fred is, he's... he's too hasty. Now you never get nowhere if you're too hasty.