Hey Jerry, you sure have a knack for coming up with thread subjects that bring out the best in folks. My only complaint is that means there's even *more* interesting Mudcat threads -- and it's already *far* too easy to spend WAY too much of my day on Mudcat!

Anyway, this is not my own story... but I think it's worth sharing.

When my (younger) sister was 2, she got encephalitis. She had to learn (among other things) how to walk and talk again -- from square one. It also affected her concentration, attention span, etc -- left her with "learning disabilities".

One doctor told my parents that she would never be able to take care of herself, and when they died she would need to live in some kind of home/institution. A somewhat more optimistic doctor said she *might* be sort of almost "caught up" with her peers by college age, and might possibly be able to lead a normal(ish) life.

There were not many schools in those days (the 60s) prepared to deal with kids who were "different", but my mother found one (an hour or so from us), made *endless* phone calls, and fought tooth & nail to get my sister into a "PD" program (for kids with "perceptual difficulties").

By the time she was in 4th grade, my sister was so unhappy with the "PD = Permanently Dumb" comments from the "normal" kids that she begged to be "mainstreamed" into a regular classroom. She was allowed to try this and managed just fine.

She graduated high school (a large, competitive one) cum laude, and (poor thing!) had to choose between attending University of Michigan's Honors Program or MIT. She chose U of M and again graduated cum laude. One of her advisors told her he didn't think she'd be able to handle a major in computer science.

She moved to New York City (for a programming job with a computer software company) and attended Columbia University part-time (while working full-time). When she finished, she had a Master's (not to mention a 4.0) in Computer Science from one of the most respected Universities in the US.

When I called to congratulate her on receiving her Master's, I was *amazed* to hear her say, vehemently, "Now no-one can say I'm dumb!"

I told her I'd *never* thought of her as dumb... heck, her high school GPA was higher than mine (and mine wasn't bad!) -- and she took tougher courses. But she had continued to be haunted (aa well as driven) by those childhood voices telling her she was not smart enough.

Today she maintains the website at a national research laboratory (I hear there are some pretty bright people in those places) and also runs a program which teaches teachers how to teach online. She's one of the most thoughtful, intelligent people I know. She's happily married and is a wonderful, patient mommy to an adorable 7-month old.

Not bad for someone who "might be able to lead an almost normal life some day"...

Kudos to my parents for all the love, support and patience they offered as she fought her way back to "normalcy".

One last note, although the "story" would probably be "better" if I stopped here: my Dad used to tease us all (there are 4 of us) now & then. (He insults/makes fun of himself as well.) His gentle put-downs concerned areas where we were (he thought) secure in ourselves -- for example, he might tell my brother (who looked, if anything, malnourished -- even though he seemed to eat more than the rest of us put together) that he was "too fat". He would also sometimes say one of us was "dumb" -- in a tone of voice which (he thought, & so did I) made it obvious he *didn't* think that at all. However, I was a bit shocked to learn later, when my sister got such comments from him, she didn't think he was joking (she never said anything about it at the time).

My Father was even more shocked and truly dismayed when she finally told him this (after she got her Master's). If he'd had *any* idea she might actually take it seriously, I think he'd have cut out his tongue before he'd have said anything like that. Perhaps he "should" have realized it would be a sensitive subject to her (hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes), but none of the rest of us realized she was taking this to heart, either.

The reason I mention it now is to make others aware of how much impact even *jokingly* negative comments can have -- especially on a child -- more than you can imagine.

Fortunately, in my family's case, the story has a happy ending...

Cheers,

YY