"Two big announcements coming out of Washington DC. The tour of duty for 20,000 troops in Iraq may be extended. That's too bad. And the other announcement, the tour of duty for President Bush may not be extended." —David Letterman
"We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no income tax this year." —Jay Leno

"President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think about it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the eight months of vacation every year." —Jay Leno

"The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and 'American Idol?' See, on 'American Idol,' the one with the most votes wins." —Jay Leno

"I saw the president on TV. I think he's only had three press conferences during prime time. I though he looked calm. I thought he looked confident. I thought he looked focused. That's right, he was drinking again." —David Letterman

"It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam." —David Letterman

"In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'" —Conan O'Brien