Dear Bugface, watch out for brucie, and if you find Little Hawk's goat, let me or William Shatner know asap. They are not to be completely trusted when it comes to goats, cats, weiner dogs...in fact, just generally run if they come lurking!

Seriously, you are a beautiful young woman, and your mother has much to be proud of. This is a strange crew, but you will likely find a gentle niche for yourself amongst us.

Do let us know how you're settling into your new digs. Welkommen fraulein..xx..e