Re: "johnnies". As some of you know, I am rather well endowed. Huge actually. So...this last trip for another mammogram, I followed the required routine: stripped to the waist and put on the gown given to me with the opening to the front. The problem was that the opening was all across the front. No amount of pulling and tying could disguise the fact that it was 10" shorter than necessary in circumference.

I decided to clutch my purse to my chest constricting the appendages as far as possible so that I could maintain a modicum of modesty. The other ladies in the waiting area, all amply covered by their gowns, pretended not to notice. And there i sat refusing to make eye contact with anyone and swearing that I would lose weight before the next mammogram.

Finally my name was called and the technician led me into the examining room. She turned to ask me a question and laughed out loud. I was mortified. Turns out my gown had been mislaid. It was from the Children's Wing. Wrong pattern.
I waited for a new gown to appear dreading the possibility that it too might not fit. Do these things only happen to me?