In my brief sojourn in the Great Outdoors I became aware of a number of things.

1. It's a very big world.
2. There are a lot of Cats prowling it at night. This is too bad, because hamsters also like to prowl at night.
3. There is an overpopulation of human Monsters and it is threatening to engulf the world as we know it. Something should be done about it very soon.
4. Rodents are still flourishing regardless, but hamsters are not common in the Great Outdoors, at least not around here.

Having returned before dawn, I was rudely awoken a couple of hours later by a sharp, ugly, repetitive sound. I looked out from under my shelter. There was a big, snuffling, fluffy, ridiculous looking creature trying to get under and catch me. It kept making the loud yapping sounds over and over again. What a racket! It could smell me, of course. I noticed that because it kept sniffing loudly and then yapping. I could smell it too. Yuck. It stank horribly.

"Muffy! SHUT UP!" yelled some human Monster, but "Muffy" kept on yapping and yapping and yapping. I clicked my teeth idly at the unpleasant creature and stayed safe under my shelter. The human kept calling and Muffy kept yelling for some time, but she didn't say anything worth repeating...

I have to describe the fur on this bizarre creature. It was extremely curly and formed little balls around the ankles and head and so on...long in some places and short in others. Furthermore it had pink overtones. I've never seen an animal with pink fur before. Incredible.

Muffy got more and more hysterical. Finally the human Monster came and took a look, pushing Muffy to one side. I beheld a young human Monster, half-grown, wearing a baseball cap and a black T-shirt with "Korn" written on it, and really baggy pants. He had a cunning look that I didn't like, and his eyes lit up when he saw me. After taking a good look he dragged Muffy away, struggling and protesting. In moments he returned. I tried to flee as he reached in, but he caught me. I attempted to bite, but he was wearing gloves and he dumped me in a bag. Not another bag! I'm sick of bags.

A minute later I was dropped unceremoniously inside an old and rather dirty cage, with an exercise Wheel and a water bottle with stale water in it.

"I've gotta go to school now, but I'll be back later!" he said, with a grin. I was left alone, disheveled and disgruntled, in a third-rate old cage that has had God knows how many other occupants, judging by the smell.

Why can't human Monsters just mind their own business?