The Gardai/Guards are the Irish Police. One of their number just send me this version of "The Wild Rover":
(Hope the formatting works!):

THE DRUNK DRIVER

I've been a drunk driver for many's the year.
And I've spent all me money on whiskey 'n' beer,
But now the law's changed, boys. They've made life a drag
By giving the Gardai the use of the bag.

Chorus...

There once was a time, boys, when life was so good
That a driver could drink all the porter he could,
But now the law's changed, boys, so drivers beware.
Don't drive out yer car if yer tanked up on beer.

Chorus...

One night I was going away home from here
After drinking the most of a barrel of beer.
The eyesight was bad, 'cos the next thing I saw
Was a bloody great Escort, belonged to the Law.

Chorus...

They stopped me and asked me a question or two,
And they said that they thought I was after a few.
I said, "Ah, no, Sergeant, that cannot be so."
But he gave me the bag and he asked me to blow.

Chorus...

Well, I looked at the bag. Sure 'twas like a balloon.
"Here's a bag-pipes," says he. "Won't ye play us a tune?"
I blew in the bag, and sure, what do ye think?
Them crystals they turned to a queer shade of pink!

Chorus...

We went off to the station, a blood sample to get.
There wasn't a doctor so they sent for a Vet.
He couldn't be found, sure, and what could I do?
But to give 'em a sample of me how-do-ye-do!

Chorus

They threw me inside of a cell for the night,
And they let me go home when it came to daylight.
And now I am waiting for me case to come forth,
When I meet face to face with the judge in his Court.

CHORUS: And it's no nay never, no nay never no more
Will I drive a Range Rover, no never no more!