The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #70118   Message #1198762
Posted By: Sorcha
02-Jun-04 - 04:24 PM
Thread Name: Sorch is Home!
Subject: RE: Sorch is Home!
St. Margarets is a very small church and was dying because of lack of parishoner. Bishop wanted to close it, and (some woman, I can't remember her name) said Oh no you don't. She has formed an organization to save the church and refurbish the grounds. The church is now being used in the very same ways that they were used in the Middle Ages…for gatherings, concerts, events, etc. The church yard is being turned into a wild flower garden and a new section has been added for the burial of cremated remains. Trees, flowers, benches to sit on…classic English Cottage garden, but very large. Definitely worth an afternoon stroll. Wish my ashes could be scattered there.
        Pip, Jon and I went to the Shire Horse Centre in Norfolk. Neat! Lots of 'big' horses—Shire, Clydesdales, Belgians, etc and Shetland ponies. One of the Shetlands had just had a foal. The contrast between the Big Horses and the baby was cute. The landlord gives a very good talk and demonstration about farming with horses and the kiddies get a ride in a large wagon pulled by a Clydesdale. There is also a riding stable there.
        The next is the 2nd funniest thing to happen on my trip. Jon and I went out one evening to his local. It's just a nice, quiet typical English pub. We walked in and I had my cigarettes in my hand. Now, think of the stereotype of a bull dyke. (I'm NOT condoning the stereotype….just using it) Short, wide, VERY short hair (shorter than mine), heart with dagger and name tattoo, etc. She looks at me and says
"I'll have one of those" and yanks the fags out of my hand. I look at Jon. Jon looks at the landlord……Jon gets drinks and we sit at a table. The Woman and her (male) friend join us. By now, she has smoked my cigarette and says
"I'll have another" and helps herself. I look at Jon. Jon looks at me. Jon says
"Sorch, let's go shoot a game of pool" trying gracefully to get us away from The Woman. But, she says
"Oh yes, we'll play you"
"No, I just want to have a quiet game with my friend Sorch"
"NO, WE are playing you!!!"
The Woman and her bloke led the way to the pool room. I picked up me fags (yes, I'm talking funny again!) slipped them in my pocket and covered the pocket with my sweatshirt. Arrived in the pool room and The Woman says
"I'll have another"
"Oh, I think I left them in the front bar" She stomps out to retrieve them, comes back and loudly announces that they are not there. I said, "Oh, so sorry, must have misplaced them"
        She chose cues for all of us, announced that SHE would break. I put back the cue she had picked for me as it was too long and boyo, did I get the Glare from Hell. We commence to shooting pool (I admit I'm not very good) and every time Jon or I missed she would shout….
"HA, YOU MISSED" I finally said, "Yes, I noticed that"….and started doing it to her. (Meanwhile, I am not having a fag….. She had no interest in Jon's Roll Your Own, just my commercials.) More Glares. They won the first game and Jon and I wanted to quit, but Oh No, The Woman had to prove a point. We played a 2nd game. Last shot on the table was mine. Cue and 8 ball. The Woman marched over and took Jon's cue from him announcing that the game was over. Jon pointed out that I still had a shot. The Woman said, "Well, she'll miss" and called my pocket for me in the far corner. I shook my head, No, and nodded to the side pocket. Believe it or not, I actually MADE the shot!!! She shouts, "HA! YOU LOSE AGAIN!" I said, "Oh, so sorry, we didn't. YOU called the corner. If you had been watching you would have seen me call the side." At this point, The Woman and her bloke STOMPED out of the pub in High Dudegon and we all broke up. Jon kind of went off, but not too badly. We apologized to the Landlord and he said, "No prob with you guys. She was here about 2 years ago and acted the same." Perhaps She won't ever go back. The next day I was in the local Spar (Quick Trip) shop buying more cigs! and the clerk had been in the pub the night before. He asked if I had shot any pool lately…..!!! Pip picked Jon and I up at the pub and when we got back to the house we were telling her this story. Both Jon and I are sitting on the floor laffing our arses off and falling over. No, this one time neither of us was drunk. We were just laffing soooo hard. Pip has a picture of this and I have told her she can send it to Pene. In retrospect, it was priceless. I should have more guts to say, "PISS OFF BITCH!"