Fellow who's 94 years old goes to a sperm bank. Says he wants to donate. Wide-eyed nurse, not wishing to insult the old boy, gives him the specimen bottle and directs him to a room down the hall.

An hour an twenty-three minutes later, the nurse gets a bit worried that maybe the guy's had a heart attack. She knocks on the door. He opens it. His face is very red, his breathing is laboured, his brow is sweaty, he has tears in his eyes, and his hair and clothing are quite messy. She asks if he is OK. He replies in a trembling voice very close to breaking, "I tried with my left hand, then I tried with my right hand, then I tried with both hands, and I just can't get the lid off the jar!"